Tag Archives: relationships

Well? What’s the answer…?

Posted on by

9

Everyone, this will seem like a relatively easy question, but the truth is… I don’t really know how to answer this…

He and his girlfriend have broken up after 4 years…

The details of the breakup are not important, but no cheating happened.

It has not been an easy breakup…

The problem is this: who gets the friends? Specifically, his BEST friend.

Because the best friend is HER brother.

Now, they weren’t friends prior to the relationship; they met when she brought him home to meet the fam. As He was new to the city, He met a lot of his friends through his new best friend. A circle was formed.

They are the “bail your ass out of jail” type friends…the “lend the keys to my car” type friends…the “don’t tell my girlfriend that I did this” type friends. Since neither of them have a male sibling, they became “brothers”.

As this breakup gets messier, and a lot of issues come up to the surface, the brother is getting dragged into the middle. He has tried to stay neutral, but on the one hand, his best friend is going through a horrible breakup (even crashed on his couch for a while post major blowout) and on the other, his sister is going through a horrible breakup, and texts/calls/emails for advice.

He has tried to be the supportive friend, reasoning that his sister has a BFF of her own to turn to. His mother chewed him out for that…

He has tried to distance himself from his friend, but…this is his best friend. Who does he turn to when he needs someone?

His sister has said “I’ll hate that you are still friends with him, but I understand.”

His friend has said nothing…mutual friends have told him that he’s hurt because he lost his girlfriend and his best friend, but he won’t push it. Apparently the words “collateral damage” were used.

He wants to be able to maintain this friendship…this guy was supposed to be his best man…someday.

How does he keep the peace?

—

Most of my friends who have siblings are usually so separate in their lives, that the chances of them developing a friendship with a sibling’s partner are slim to none. For myself? I’ve only ever dated a friend’s brother once…briefly. She and I had been friends for many years before that relationship started, he and I did not discuss details with her, and the breakup was a blip on the radar…

So, I don’t know how to answer this. Where does the brother’s “loyalty” lie?

My two cents: he should be able to remain friends with his best friend without any guilt.

You say…?

20130108-234017.jpg

The 12 Women You Meet in Life: The All In

Posted on by

4

allin

This will be my last “The 12 Women You Meet in Life” post… It’ll be my last for a couple of reasons. 1) I’ve written about more than 12 women (I think this is number 15!), and 2) I think … Continue reading →

Nothing Ventured…Nothing Gained

Posted on by

3

“So, uh… why haven’t you locked that down yet?”

This was said to an acquaintance of mine when he went to a family function last year. The family member being HIS mother and the girl in question was someone he’d been dating for a few months.

Awkward.

When everyone thinks you’ve found the one and is calling you out (or crazy, or stupid, or lazy) for not making things official with this great girl…what do you do?

I’ll admit it. I’ve said it many times to a guy when meeting the lady du jour. After an appraisal (oh yes, I have appraised) I’ll either say

“she’s –insert the briefest of pauses here – nice…” 

(translation: “you could do so much better”)

or,

“uhm, lock that down” 

(translation: “honey, you got a good one here, are you waiting for a sign from above?”)

I’m a firm believer that you should never hesitate on a good thing. If it’s good right now, it will continue to be good tomorrow. The only REAL difference is the guarantee as to whether it’s yours tomorrow. But, still…you hesitate.

This hesitation? That’s what creates the girl who got away…she only got away because you let her go.

This is when people look at you a few years from now and say, “dude, what happened? She was (insert a list of wonderful attributes here) and she had a fine ass. How did you let that go?”

You’ll shrug, and maybe mumble a weak answer. But we know why…

You thought she’d stick around and wait until you made up your mind.

Now, there are some that do. They’ll wait…and wait…and wait. But for some, they’ll wake up one morning and think to themselves that there is more to life than what is in front of them. They’ll look over at your sleeping form and they won’t think that you’re the end of that search; you’re the roadblock.

“We need to talk…”

A week later, you’ll be out with your boys celebrating your freedom, when you’ll suddenly have to leave. You forgot that you had a thing in the morning and it’s time for you to sober up and go home. But next week? Yeah, next week you’re going IN.

Except there is no “something”. You thought you saw her and freaked out. You smelled her perfume and your eyes started to well up (and don’t blame it on weed, drink, or allergies either). You realized her birthday is in a few days and for the first time, you know EXACTLY what to get her. Except…

So you call (drunk dial) on the way home and she doesn’t answer.

Even worse, she does. Even worse than that, she’s OUT CELEBRATING HER FREEDOM. Even worse than that, she’s home and no, you can’t come over.

Life sucks, eh?

A guy asked me about the regret moment; that moment when you want her back. Not just because the sex was good…not just because your mom liked her…not just because she was smart. SHE was – and is – “the one”. But you didn’t know how to commit. You didn’t know whether you should’ve locked it down right then and there. You could now kick yourself. But why kick a man when he’s already down?

They say if you love something, set it free. If it was meant to be yours, it’ll come back to you…

Bullshit.

Lock it down when you have it, because tomorrow is not guaranteed. Don’t become your own roadblock.

Look, it’s better to say you had her and you lost her, than to be the guy that missed out…